


First Kill

by roccoco



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Divergence, Canon Universe, Character Study, First Kiss, Fluff, Killugon - Freeform, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, POV Killua Zoldyck, Pining, Pining Killua Zoldyck, Short & Sweet, Short One Shot, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, completely self-indulgent fluff, it's mainly set during that time where killua stayed in whale island with gon, it's probably the softest shit i ever wrote, post hunters exam but pre yorknew, pure fluff, soft killua zoldyck, soft killugon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:34:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24993934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roccoco/pseuds/roccoco
Summary: The world becomes a blur, a haze, and in that moment, Killua burns.
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 8
Kudos: 142





	First Kill

**Author's Note:**

> heyy i just wrote this and im posting it bc it's SOFT and im soft for killugon, i hope this isn't absolute crap. enjoy!

The first time Killua feels it is at home, when Gon comes to rescue him from his family with his two other friends. He’s so overjoyed with his presence that he can’t help but lunge forward and hug Gon, who naturally hugs back. Yet something feels odd, missing, and Killua can’t help but think there’s something else he should be doing.

Being out in the world, without any responsibilities or duties, leaves the boys to do basically anything they want to do. Gon decides to look for his father, so Killua tags along. He isn’t sure what _he_ wants to do, but following Gon wherever he goes is better than going back home. And so, he decides that from now on, “if in doubt, let Gon lead way.” That strange feeling he’d got before hasn’t left him, but something tells him that staying with his best friend might grant him an answer.

For months and months, Killua tosses and turns in bed with Gon’s beaming smile burned in his mind, wondering what it all means. Whatever it is, it’s addictive; albeit non-constructive. But Killua never wants to leave Gon’s side. And in Whale Island, where everything looks and smells and _feels_ like Gon, he can’t help but be in a constantly sated state. Everything is in its right place. Mito’s house soon becomes home. He’s safe. He’s with his best friend. He’s at peace.

So when Gon says, “I’m really happy I met you,” in front of the bonfire, why does Killua feel like he’s been turned inside out and all of his organs are flowing out of his flesh?

He knows his face must look like a tomato, but he still needs to look at Gon. His rich brown eyes are gleaming thanks to the bonfire’s warm light, and his skin is glowing with his signature determined smile, strangely softer than normal. Killua is only a _boy;_ a very helpless, very infatuated boy, who has only now realized how in love with his best friend he is. There is only so much he can take! And that ‘weird feeling’ he keeps getting? Well, it’s stronger than ever.

“So,” Gon says, blissfully unaware of the riots that are going on inside Killua’s mind, “Have you figured out what you want to do?”

Killua stares at him. He knows can't technically answer what Gon asked him, but he nods nevertheless, scooting closer until he can feel Gon’s thighs touch his own, and looks into his eyes. Suddenly, his senses feel clouded and his mind can’t form a single coherent thought. The world becomes a blur, a haze, and in _that_ moment, Killua _burns_.

“Killua?” Gon tilts his head like a confused puppy, and narrows his eyes with worry painted all over his face. “Are you okay? I didn’t mean to pressure you, you can always stay with me if you still don’t know what to do after we find him.”

Killua nods and hugs his knees, closing his eyes for a second in order to calm down. But, for some reason, Gon takes that as his key to pet his hair, and Killua’s eyes snap open.

“Ah, sorry, Killua,” Gon laughs nervously, moving away, “You looked really soft, I couldn’t help myself.”

“I don’t mind,” is the first sentence he’s able to form, and he says it without even considering it for a second. He looks away, flustered, and adds, “You can keep doing it, y’know, if you _want_ to.”

And he did expect the taunts, but they still manage to fluster him even more.

“Who knew Killua liked to be pet like a cat?”

“Hey, you’re the one who started doing it in the first place!” he snaps, and they’re back to their old routine. He swats Gon’s hands away and receives the cutest pout he’s ever seen in response. “You have lost your _petting privileges_ ,” he says with a posh accent and a pleased smile.

But Gon doesn’t move away, and Killua doesn’t even realize he’s laid his head on his shoulder until Gon turns to look at him. Their faces have never been so close, at least not that Killua can remember anyway. That’s when that feeling, that urge, takes a name.

It’s _yearning_.

Yearning for impossible closeness, for infinity with his best friend, for a confirmation that Gon does, indeed, feel the same way for him. Yearning for this moment to never end, for them to be kids forever, without a care in the world, who can have fun and live and discover life’s meaning together. He yearns for unconditional support and red lips and chocolate eyes, for warmth and innocence and kindness, for hugs under a blanket on a cold morning and his best friend’s voice and the smell of home. He yearns for Gon and everything Gon represents.

Then Gon’s lips are touching his own, and in _that_ moment, Killua _melts_.

His mother has always talked about how first kills are a unique moment in life. How the adrenaline rush you get is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Killua’s first kill was nothing special, held no meaning. He knew, since that moment, that despite everything, his true nature would never be to become an assassin. But now, kissing Gon, he thinks that maybe this is the feeling his mother talked about. Because somehow, in his very first kiss, he is calm and overexcited at the same time; he never wants it to stop, and he _yearns_ for more and more of something he cannot even begin to comprehend quite yet.

They break the kiss a little while later, and Killua’s mind and heart and senses are simply full of _Gon_.

“I really am happy I met you, Killua,” his voice is small -- Killua didn’t think he was capable of being so quiet. “And just so you know, _I love you_.”

If flurry of random letters and numbers was an actual word, that’s what Killua would use to describe his feelings when Gon says that, when his whole world falls apart. He doesn’t cry, he’s been trained not to cry to the point where sometimes he can’t even do it when he feels like it, but he can tell if he hadn’t undergone that treatment, if he was _normal_ , there would be waterfalls in his eyes right then.

“You- you fucking idiot,” he chuckles and hides his face on the crook of Gon’s neck, “Is this your crazy idea of a confession?”

Gon smiles and throws an arm around Killua’s waist to hug him, and explains, “Well, Mito-san says you should always let people know you care about them, and Killua is a special person, so I had to tell him in a special way!”

“Well, I love you too, stupid,” he replies, feeling his heart rate speed to a hundred miles per hour, and he can sense Gon beam. “Just, kiss me again.”

And Gon, gladly, obliges.

**Author's Note:**

> hello again!! if you enjoyed this you can leave a comment or kudos ♡ i really appreciate them!


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